Turning 60, past 60, or not even close to 60 – no matter their age, many (most?) people want to make some sort of change in their lives at this time of year.
But change isn’t easy, is it? Being stuck or stymied by change is such a common problem I’m devoting this week’s blog posts to successful change.
Trouble Changing?
Perhaps you’re at that point in life where you long to find something entirely different to do with the rest of your life but you’re not taking action to discover what that might be.
Maybe you already know what you want to do in the next chapter of your life but you’re not doing it.
You might want to exercise more or eat healthier foods.
Whatever the change is, it’s one you’ve not (yet) been able to make.
Sometimes change comes easily and naturally; we explore, experiment, learn, improvise, adapt.
Sometimes change is difficult; we try and try and try to change — and we fail. When that happens, we may blame and criticize ourselves or just give up or tell ourselves we don’t really care anyway. We begin to feel hopeless, helpless, and powerless.
It’s Not Just You
In his book, “Change or Die” Alan Deutschman cites studies showing that even when patients are faced with death if they don’t make changes (such as stop smoking, exercise, eat healthier) only ONE in TEN is able to make the necessary changes. That’s when the choice is change or die!
So, if you’ve been unsuccessful in making changes in your life, you’re not alone. No need to beat yourself up; you’re just being human!
Numerous studies and our own personal experiences tell us that facts, fear, “shoulds” and “ought to’s” don’t help people change.
What does help? In his research, Deutschman uncovered a number of situations (with heart disease patients, career criminals, factory workers) where change seemed hopeless yet it happened.
From this he identified three critical keys that will help you make important, positive changes in your life: relate, repeat, and reframe.
More on the Three Critical Keys to Change in the next post.
What do you want to change in your life? Thoughts on these ideas? Click on Comments, scroll down, and write away.
[...] Three Keys to Successful Change [...]
Pingback by Welcome to Savoring Your Sixties — January 13, 2010 @ 8:27 amWow, even when faced with death only one in ten change. Knowing that I won’t be so hard on myself or better yet, I will really be proud of myself for the changes I do make. Thanks, Bonnie
Comment by Ann — January 27, 2010 @ 2:47 pmYou’re welcome, Ann. That is an amazing stat, isn’t it? I was surprised when I first read it. But we know it is hard for people to make changes. I like your take on it — being really proud of ourselves for the changes we do make.
Comment by Bonnie — January 27, 2010 @ 8:21 pmi really need help,im going through something,i don’t really know what it is..i think maybe it is menoplause…i have been going through this for about 2 years now…it is bad,it seems i have no feelings about myself,don’t want to even exist anymore,i have no purpose in life,no interest,have such a hard time even getting up and moving,i go all day at times and i don’t even wash my face,eat,or anything..i use to get up and clean my house,take a shower,and fix myself up some,i don’t care about that anymore,..don’t get me wrong i don’t go nasty,or my house dirty..no..but i have to force myself to just do the dishes,make my bed…it is just my husband and i..we have one son,and we have a precious grandson..13 years old..i don’t get to see and be with him much at all,..before my son got a divorce,we just about raised our grandson for 7 years he was with us pretty much all the time…when she left my son she took him and she is not a person to let us have him..my son gets him everyother weekend…NOT ENOUGH TIME…the courts stink…she is not nice in letting our son have him more,and we don’t get him any extra time…my son has asked her to let him have him more…but NO…it is not an option for her…my husband and i are not finanically able to go anywhere which would be very nice,we own a small business here..but it is not doing enough to have much extra income to do things like that right now..GOD BLESS maybe later on down the road…my husband was diagonsed with prostate cancer at the age of 50..thank GOD it haden’t spread.they removed his prostate..he hasn’t had to take any treatments at all.we was so BLESSED in that..im 52 and he is now 54,,im in good health as of now.thank the LORD,just whatever is going on with me mentally..i am embarrised for this..but i have actually prayed to die,i just don’t want to exist anymore,i believe in GOD,i know he exist,and i love him very much,and i do pray,im a christian,but i don’t know why i feel these things,i am so BLESSED here..i should be so happy..but i don’t know why im not..i have so much to be thankful for..and don’t get me wrong iam sooooo thankful to my GOD that everything is doing great in my family and husband,and son,grandson..all is well in sickness and health..there is just no happyness in my life…i don’t know which way to turn or go…thanks for the ear…
Comment by connie — March 4, 2010 @ 10:30 amDear Suzy, it sounds like you are having a very, very difficult time. It may be menopause. It may be depression. It may be something else.
My first, second, and third suggestion to you is to get yourself to a doctor! Please!
You do not have to live in misery. And you need help to begin to find your way through and out of it. Sometimes we just can’t do it on our own.
If the first doctor doesn’t help, keep trying until you find one who can help. I can’t say strongly enough that you need to see a doctor and perhaps a counselor as well so that you can find some peace and happiness in your life.
Warmly,
Comment by Bonnie — March 5, 2010 @ 11:23 amBonnie