The Empty Nest — Bliss or Burden?

We all know mothers faced with an empty nest have lost their identity and their purpose and are likely depressed.

Or do we?

Recent studies are proving otherwise. Contrary to popular belief most women thrive when their children fly the nest.

 What the research shows

Researcher, psychologist, and author, Karen L. Fingerman says, “People do miss their children, but, based on what I’ve seen in my research, what happens is actually the opposite of the empty-nest syndrome.”

According to an American Psychological Association article, Fingerman has found that most parents enjoy the greater freedom, a reconnection with their spouses, and more time to pursue their own goals and interests that comes when the children are gone. They feel pride and joy that their child is starting down the path toward successful adulthood. And for many of them, the parent/child relationship actually improves when children leave home.

One study even showed that stay-at-home mothers, those once thought to be most vulnerable to being crippled by empty nest syndrome, are looking forward to their children leaving home. They’re planning and preparing for their next chapter, whether it’s going to work or back to work, going back to school, or exploring new interests.

Anyone cringing that a mother would look forward to her child leaving home?

I hope not.

This says nothing about whether the mothers love their children. It’s just that you raised them for independence, knowing they would leave. You’ve given so much of yourself, your time, and your energy. It’s okay to be looking forward to the next phase of your life. To what you can do when you have less responsibility and more time for you.

It is a transition.

Your child leaving home is a transition, of course. For the child and for you. It’s normal to feel the loss, to grieve, and to feel lost for a while. But those feelings pass and they often pass surprisingly quickly.

You’re not doomed when your children leave home. It isn’t the end of your life. It’s the end of a chapter and now it’s time for a new one. You can create a rich, full, wonderful life. Different than when you were raising kids and still rich, full, and wonderful.

What do you want to do with this marvelous new chapter?

As Mary Oliver says,

“Tell me then, what will you do with your one wild and precious life?”

(Note: Some women are devastated by their empty nest and don’t recover easily. Read more about this at  Empty Nest — What If You’re Not Getting Over It? )

photo courtesy of walknboston, flickr.com