Recently I’ve been having my own “growing old is not for sissies” ordeal.
A month ago a crisis erupted in my life when a loved one began to have sudden and severe problems. Dealing with this situation became pretty much all of my life and my husband’s life as well.
During this time in addition to grief, compassion, and sadness, I’ve also felt frustrated, hopeless, resentful, angry, and overwhelmed. I’ve beaten myself up for my “bad” feelings and for not being a different/better person. I stopped nourishing and nurturing myself, taking self-care completely off my agenda.
The longer this went on, the more drained I became and the less I had to give to anyone else.
Fortunately for me (and all those around me) I realized I was going down for the count and started taking action to reverse my course.
1) I began to acknowledge and accept myself as I am. Perhaps it would be nice if I could give up my life to take care of someone else. And that’s not who I am.
2) I began to set boundaries. To say here’s what I can and can’t do, here’s what I need to make this situation workable for me.
3) I took time for myself. Time to do what brings me peace, fills my energy tank, lights me up, gives me joy.
I’ve coached, taught, and written about self-care, doing what lights you up, keeping your energy tank full, etc. for years. This month I’ve had an intense reminder about how crucial all this is — in good times and bad — and I’ll be blogging more about it in the coming weeks.
How do you take care of yourself in times of crisis? Please scroll down, click on Comments, and write away.
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More often than not, I think I’ve run my tank to empty and then lived off of the fumes, sometimes for months at a time.
In the past three months, my world has fallen apart. Irreparably. And I’m in the process now of trying to figure out what happens next. One of the lessons I’ve learned is that I need to put me first. Learning how to do that and to fight against all of the takers that are in my life is difficult. But necessary.
In Julie Cameron’s Book, “The Artist’s Way”, she recommends doing three pages, stream of consciousness writing every morning when you first wake up. I’ve started doing that — not reading what I write, just writing. Letting all the fears and worry and anxiety pour out onto the paper unfiltered. There’s value in that. Its kind of like clearing space in my head for more important, more creative endeavors.
The second thing I did was spend a month thinking about what I want from my life. What would light me up. Bring passion back. February will be about taking the first steps toward making that happen.
I’ve done the morning pages that Julie Cameron teaches. Mostly I’ve used them in periods of confusion, challenge, and transition. And I’ve found them very, very helpful. I think these could be a great tool, Roo, for this time in your life.
Getting clear about what you want is a huge step. Remember baby steps count as you move toward your vision. And I hope some of your February steps will be about filling your tank.